MOVING!

    Well, here I sit. My apartment is a mess; I have some things packed, some things sitting out to decide if they should be packed or given away, and other things sitting right where they usually sit waiting for me to do something with them. I have just finished a really busy week-end at work, I have a chest/head cold that is making me miserable, and I am overwhelmed!!
 
    I have no family in town. Some of my friends (that live locally) work, and others are trying to help a young couple from church move to their new house this week also. In fact I am going to spend two hours later today helping pack this family up, as the young mother just gave birth to her fourth little one last week and the other three are all pre-schoolers, so she is a little overwhelmed herself!

    I thought I had until Friday May, 2nd to get things moved. I had arrange for a few men from church to come Friday to move the furniture and boxes to the new place. But today, due to a misunderstanding with my wonderful landlord, I discovered that the day I need to be out is Thursday. So now I have contacted those who were going to help me on Friday to see if they can change it to Thursday...I left messages, since no one is answering their phones today. They are all probably helping move the others who are moving this week...I am so thankful for my wonderful church family.

   Life has a way of changing suddenly! I think that is a good thing, as too much time to think can create anxiety and confusion. And honestly, I am pretty good at handling change. That is why I excel at my crazy on-call weekend job. I usually can handle the crazy and unexpected changes that occur during my 48 hours of on-call and routine home nursing visits. Of course this last weekend was crazier than usual, hence my cold. Or maybe the weekend seemed crazier because of the cold trying to break forth...

   Well, I need to get back to packing and moving. I just needed to communicate to the world out there before I unplug my computer and move it to the new condo. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you that I am moving to a two bedroom condominium that is along the beach? I can watch the waves from my front and kitchen windows. I can hear the surf. I can walk to the beach through a small sand dune area. My walk will be closer to the beach from my apartment then if I parked somewhere in town and walked to the beach. I will miss my beautiful view of the Rogue River but I think I can handle watching the ocean as it rolls in and out all day, every day, day and night!

   If you are in town and want to come by and help, feel free to join me!

Letter to my grandchild

Dear grandchild,

   I am writing this letter to you hoping that you will never make the mistakes that I have made. Of course, you will make mistakes. I hope that you understand that some mistakes are needed to help you grow up; I just hope that you don’t repeat my mistakes.

   Let me try to help you avoid some heartbreak and misery by giving you suggestions. You know me. At least you think you know me. But I was once young too. I was full of confidence and expectation. I knew that I could become somebody. I knew that I could be loved and cherished. But the reality is I haven’t fulfilled my potential. I am a late bloomer.

   In my rush to grow up, I married a man who I was attracted to, and who looked good on the surface. Of course this man is your Papa and you think he is wonderful. And in truth, he is a very nice man. But my mistake was in not getting to know myself before I started looking for a man to love me. I needed to learn to love myself first. I wanted my husband to love me and give me value. But this is not how it works. It was not his job to give me value. It was mine.

  My life has had moments of sadness and loneliness but other times it was joyful and rewarding. My best advice to you is to do the following while you are still young:

1.     Talk to, befriend, and flirt with members of the opposite sex but allow yourself the freedom to be without a boyfriend/girlfriend when there is no one that “fits.” It is ok to not be in a relationship. Don’t be afraid of having friends, lots and lots of friends, both male and female. This is how you learn the type of person with whom you are compatible.

2.     Get a good education. This should start way before college! But do go to college while you are still young. There is nothing harder than having three young children, little income, no job skills, and going back to school.

Even if you think that you will be a wife and mother and never need an education. You are wrong. An education is the most important thing you can acquire. Not because of the book knowledge, although that is important, but because of the knowledge of yourself that you will gain while struggling to get up early each morning, go to class, work a part-time job, have a social life, get good grades by studying half the night, and being separated from your family for the first time.

3.     Get a job. Starting in high school it is a great idea to earn your own money. Then learn how to handle that money. Remember this is for spending money, but it is not to take the place of schoolwork or social activities. Work part-time or babysit.

·      Remember to tithe. I once heard someone ask the question, should I tithe on my gross or net income? The answer was, “which do you want to have blessed?” I say, tithe 10% of the gross income. With practice this will become a habit that will greatly bless your life. And if you ever leave the church (heaven forbid!) you should still give 10% of your income to whatever charity you choose. God gives this “law of tithing” for our benefit. We are blessed when we give.

I like to give outside of church also, sometimes to an organization that gives me a receipt, but more often to an individual who doesn’t. I have given to a person sitting outside a gas station with a sign asking for gas money. I have given money to a man with cancer. He was on a cross-country bike-ride, and was now too sick to pedal the last few hundred miles home. I have given of my time, volunteering for various community organizations. These are the types of things that make me worthy of living here on this planet with my fellow human beings. You will learn much about yourself by being a volunteer.

·      Save money. This is the hardest habit I have learned. Or maybe I should say I am still learning. Do not use credit cards; do not go into debt. If you are able to use a card and then pay it off monthly, fine. But I have never done well with this plan. I have had debt, at times terrible debt. Debt enslaves you. Debt will take away your freedom. The times I have been debt free have been the least stressful times of my life. An savings account will help to keep you from needing to use a credit card in an emergency. Always have money set aside, and use it when needed instead of credit.

4.     Postpone marriage until you are mature enough to choose wisely. Yes, love the person you marry, but don’t marry just because you think you are in love. Test that love by waiting awhile. Attraction will fade, even in marriage, but love will endure.

I am not really the one to tell you about everlasting love, as you know. I was married young, and divorced when my children were young. I have never had another relationship. I chose to avoid another relationship when my children were young because I was fearful of choosing someone who might hurt them. Later when they were grown, I had a decade of ill health. Now I honestly don’t know how to meet and fall in love. I have chosen a life that makes me happy, so I am ok being alone.

But that is not my wish for you. I strongly believe that we are not created to be alone. Marriage is a good thing. I wish for a happy and loving marriage for each of you. But realize that marriage, just like everything else in life, will require effort and time. Be sure that you put both into your future marriage.

5.     Do not wait too long to get married. My observation is that two people in a marriage need to grow together. This is easier done when you are still evolving into the person you are determined to become. My son waited until he was twenty-seven years old, but both my girls married at nineteen. I personally feel that nineteen is too young. I was twenty, which is still too young. But if you choose to marry that young, I can tell you that you will grow and learn. I would suggest you try college and/or missionary service first.

I have known several people that waited until their late 30’s and early 40’s to finally get married. I have known some who have never married. This is not always in your hands, but do not postpone marriage because you are seeking worldly things and marriage would just get in the way. Although I was divorced in my mid-thirties, I will be forever grateful for the things I learned and the children that resulted from that marriage. You, my dear grandchild would not be here otherwise.

6.     Serve a Mission. Becoming a missionary will teach you many things that will advance your maturity and toss you into adulthood. Being a missionary will strengthen your faith, build your character and rush you into maturity faster than college. I have observed many young men and women who have served as missionaries for their church. They have developed strength of character that is unequaled in other youth. While you should choose to serve a mission because you are serving your Heavenly Father, and serving others, you are also doing one of the best things for yourself and your future that you can ever do.

7.     I would suggest that you might benefit from keeping a journal. By journaling your actions, thoughts, feelings, desires and goals each day, you will learn about yourself. You will be able to watch your growth or lack of growth as you look back upon year after year of journals. I recently found an old diary from my high school years. It had prayers in it. I was amazed to see that I still pray for some of the same things (patience and wisdom) and also how much I have matured and changed in some other areas of my life. This journal covered only a few months, and I wish I had written more during my life.

Now, at the age of sixty, I am attempting to write about my life and the choices that I have made and how they have affected me, my children and even my grandchildren. It would be nice to be able to look back with better accuracy to the things that happened and how I thought and felt about it all. You have the chance to be better at this than I was.

8.     Love your family. Someday you will cherish the relationships that you have with your parents, and siblings and even your cousins. While you are young, nurture those relationships. Be kind and caring to all of your siblings. Yes, even the younger, whiny ones. Someday they will all grow up. You don’t want to miss what could have been. You still have time to create that bond of love and shared memories with them.

·      Appreciate your parents; look for their good qualities. I know as a teenager it is easier to see everything about them that bothers you, but someday they will be gone. Learn from them now. Love them now. See how much they love you. Build those loving, supportive relationships before it is too late.

I conclude this letter to you, my beloved grandchild. Until you are a parent or grandparent you will not understand the love that I feel for you. I am sending this letter to you with all my love. I pray for you. I pray that you will become the best you can be mentally, physically and spiritually. I love you.

Sincerely, Grandma Cathy

How to be a great writer!

I read something that is so relevant to my writing life. I had never thought about it this way. I decided to share it with my fellow writers. If you are not a writer it may also apply to other areas of your life. This is it:

To be a great concert pianist requires a natural talent, developed by hours of practice every day. 

SO DOES WRITING!

My family puts the FUN back in Dysfunctional. I am going to tell the story!

     I have started my memoir. What, you ask, do you Cathy Jo Archibald Gillice, have to say that anyone would want to hear? Well, I'll tell you.
     At one time I was young and full of life, then I lost that exuberance through a major change in my marriage. Then my sister also had a major change in her life. We both were young, thirty-something, newly single, with children. We were broke, both in our pocket books and in our hearts. We both choose to go home.
     Home to parents happily living in their empty nest. Living their own lives, peaceful and full. Then suddenly their small little home was invaded by two grown daughters and five grade-school age grandchildren.
     It was a time of pain, struggle and strangely enough, periods of happiness. It was a time of family support and love. It was my children's childhood. It was end of my youth and the beginning of growth. It is the story of my journey, with a supportive yet crazy family.
    This story will put the FUN back in Dysfunctional.
    This book is one way that I can honor my mother and father, who have invested more into my life, and my sisters life and our children's lives than any one set of parents should or would normally be called upon to give.
    I am in the process of making a timeline. And also trying my best to jog loose all those other memories that are hiding in my brain. I am taking classes on writing a memoir, and on writing in general. I am surrounding myself with other writers who are willing to read and critique my ramblings and assist me to organize and streamline them into a story worth reading.
    So check back in a couple of years and it should be ready for you to read!
In the mean time...

         Creation

Thoughts create words,

Words create actions,

Actions become Habits,           

Habits become Life

Life is habits, 

Habits are actions

Actions are words

Words are thoughts

It begins in you.